Your 40's Shaken but not stirred!

You made it through Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Some of the biggest relationship holidays. However, there is one more holiday that you can’t forget which will give you the trifecta of relationship holidays. Yep, that’s right Feb. 14 otherwise known as Valentine’s Day! Honestly, Valentine’s Day is my least favorite holiday. I mean I dread Monday’s, but I really am not a fan of Valentine’s Day. Why you ask? I mean how could I not love a holiday that is about love! It’s typically associated with the color red, hearts, flowers, romance, the exchange of cards and candy. Well, wait a minute the candy part I love because I’m a lover of chocolate…candy that is.

Anyway, I’m not a big fan of this holiday because people put so much on it. They put so much pressure on the other person and themselves for this one day during the year. If your “significant” other doesn’t’ get you a gift, then your relationship is doomed or that person doesn’t’ really care about you or even like you. Give me a break, just because you didn’t get a box of chocolates on this one particular day, your relationship is in trouble? What about the other days of the year? Like Janet says, what have you done for me lately?

For me, Valentines’ Day has just not been that awesome, but to turn those negative feelings around I choose to celebrate this day a bit differently. I celebrate the women in my life. My mother and myself. I usually send my mom flowers, candy and a card and for myself I usually go to the movies or watch a movie, grab one of my favorite meals from a restaurant that I like and big box of chocolates. Then I go to sleep and when I wake up, poof! Valentine’s Day is over.!!! LOL. Hey who better to love myself than myself.

Ok, enough about my love affair with Valentine’s Day. This day of love got me thinking about some of the worst and memorable dates that I’ve had in the past. And not necessarily on Valentine’s Day. I could write forever but there is one particular date that will forever stand out in my mind as part of my hall of fame worst dates ever. Here we go!

You can only order one leg

Back in the late 90s in Atlanta there used to be a popular gym in Buckhead where one of my college friend was an employee. Because she worked there, I was able to work out at the gym for free. There was a certain trainer who made it very clear that he was interested in me. Every time I would come to the gym, he would flirt with me. Of course, him flirting with me was flattering, but I really wasn’t sure that I was that interested in him. He wasn’t bad looking, but I wasn’t really attracted to him.

Anyway, I guess he was tired of flirting with me and decided to take his chances and ask me out on a date. When he asked me, I was hesitant because like I said I wasn’t sure if I was interested in him. Instead of telling him no, I told him that I would get back to him. After careful thought and consideration, I decided that I would go back to him and say yes to a date. I figured, why not? I may feel differently about him after our date. Side note: I did feel differently about him after our date!

When I returned to the gym the next day, I told him that I would go out with him. We exchanged phone numbers. When we spoke on the phone later that night to plan our date, he said that we would go out to eat and then go bowling. I thought that was a cool date. Because I didn’t’ really know him, I didn’t want him coming to my apartment to pick me up. Therefore, we agreed that I would meet him at the gym, park my car and I would ride with him to our destination.

Here we go:

It was finally time for our date. I drove to the gym and parked my car. He met me in the parking deck. As we started walking toward his vehicle, I couldn’t believe what I saw. Do you remember the Geo Tracker? A mini version of a Jeep? Welp, he had a GEO Tracker and not just any GEO Tracker, a purple one. Now, you are probably saying, Kim you are so shallow. On the contrary. I just imagined him in a different type of ride. Back in the day, you typically saw females rolling around in a GEO Tracker dipped in the various crayon colors not usually men. But hey, if that’s what he was rolling in– no problem. I get into the car- no he didn’t open the door for me. Well, actually he did, from the inside. LOL!. We begin to pull out the parking garage, he turns on his radio and puts in a cassette tape. He turned up the volume on high. Tunes were blaring out his booming sound system. Do you all remember the group Troop? Whelp, he was blasting the song, “Spread my Wings!” he was singing loudly and was like…”oooo this is my Sh…..” I was confused! In my mind I was like, “That’s his song???” ok! When he finally took a break from singing, I asked him, “So where are we going to eat?” He said, “You will find out in a few minutes.” I said, “Ok…” But what could I do? He was driving so I guess I had to wait. A few minutes passed, and we end up in a packed parking lot. And as I was trying to figure out what restaurant we were going to, I looked to my right and to my left and…oh, there it was. BW3’s at Greenbriar. Those of you who live in Atlanta, remember that spot? In fact, BW3’s at Greenbriar was jumping during the weekend. I liked BW3’s so I was cool with getting something to eat from there. I mean their onion rings and those honey mustard chicken wings…makes my mouth water just thinking about the good eats there.

We parked the car and headed into the spot. It was jumping. We ran into some of my date’s homeboys. They were all very nice. We sat down and got menus and he asked me what I wanted to drink. I asked for a Vodka and cranberry. He said, “Um.. I don’t drink so you can’t have an alcoholic beverage.” Umm, I’m sorry, am I being punked? I gave him this funny look and said, “I don’t understand.” He said, “I don’t drink alcohol so, I’m not spending my money on you drinking alcohol when that’s not what I do.” I just responded by saying, “ok.” One of his friends, overheard our conversation and quickly chimed in and said, “Bro. let her have a drink!” My date said, “No man I’m not buying her a drink.” The friend started laughing and looked directly at me and said,” Sweetheart what do you want to drink? It’s on me.” So I said, “Aw thanks. I will take a vodka and cranberry.” I don’t think my date like that. Anyhoo, then the waitress came over to take our food order. My date asked me what I want to eat? I told him that I wanted the two honey mustard legs and an order of onion rings. He looked at the waitress and told her that we are going to have one order of honey mustard legs (they came in two) and one order of onion rings. The waitress wrote down our order and then said, “Anything else?” my date quickly answered and said, “no that’s all.” I was so confused. This fool was only going to give me 1 leg and we had to split the order of onion rings? I mean why couldn’t I have my own order? So far, this date was not going too well. Our order finally came…and there was absolutely no conversation between us. We ate our “snack” because it wasn’t dinner and we were probably out of BW3’s within 25-30 minutes. We did not stay long at all. We got back into the car, and my date popped in his favorite song by Troop, but this time he wasn’t as animated. I thought we were headed to our next stop, bowling. However, he had other plans for us. I noticed that we were headed in the direction of the gym. I was confused. I asked my date, “I thought we were going bowling?” He said, “I changed my mind. I’m taking you back to your car.” I was speechless. I had nothing to say to that. As we pulled into the parking deck, I couldn’t help but think, that I wasted my time getting dressed just to have a 30-minute date with someone who I wasn’t all that interested in. Wow! I got out the car and the dude didn’t’ even walk me to my car or make sure that I got in my car ok. Instead he just rolled up out of the garage and I never spoke to him again.  There you have it! I guess he didn’t like the fact that his friend bought me a drink and that I was not happy with my one chicken leg dinner.

That folks is one of the worst dates that I’ve ever had. Mmm…I wonder what ever happened to that guy and who he ended up with? However, I actually think that God was protecting me. Clearly, he was not meant to be in my life and for that I’m grateful. What are some of your bad dates?

 

 

 

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Anyone who knows me, knows that I love Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday. I’m sure I’m not alone.  Of course, Christmas brings up memories of those who are no longer here. However, I still love this time of year – and it’s not because of presents.  I mean let’s face it at this point in my life, there really isn’t anything that I need or want. I just love this time of year because of the lights, the smells, food, libations (especially my mom’s homemade eggnog) and mostly spending time with family and getting together with friends old and new.

A few weeks back or so I had the pleasure of getting together with one of my sister friends who was in town for the weekend celebrating her birthday. This particular weekend I was busy entertaining some other friends who were also in town so I wasn’t able to connect with my friend until that Sunday. We were so excited to get together with some of our other friends because we were going to “turn up.” The plan was to have brunch first, hang out at the house of my girlfriend who was hosting brunch and then we were going to hit up a day party.

Now, typically I don’t get my party on if I got to go to work the next day, but for the birthday girl I would make the sacrifice. Plus, it was a day party, so we knew that we would be finished at least by 7 p.m. or 8 p.m. Well, once we all finished eating brunch, we just kept on talking and laughing and just enjoying ourselves.  Then something happened that changed the atmosphere by just one phone call. One of my sister friends received a call about her father that got her pretty shaken up.  After she got off the phone, the rest of us could visibly see that she was crying. She didn’t’ say anything to us. Instead she went off into another room and shut the door and started crying. The rest of us just looked at each other and tried to continue on with our regularly schedule program of funny conversations and laughter. However, you could tell that we all felt a bit uncomfortable because we felt helpless in that moment. We weren’t quite sure what to do for our friend. Once we realized that she was gone for a bit, the birthday girl went into the other room to comfort her.  After some more time had passed, both of them came back into the kitchen where we were all congregated around the kitchen table.  My friend begins to tell us that her father was sick and was dying.  We all were stunned, and it took everything for all of us to hold back the tears as she was telling us her story.  As I listened to her pour out her heart, I couldn’t really imagine what she was going through at this time. Instead, I just listened to let her know that I was there for support during this difficult time. In between the tears, each of us went around to the room to offer her words of comfort. For me, all I could do to really understand her is tell her what I went through when my father almost died about 3 years ago and what it was like to see his health decline within hours. It was a hard situation to grasp. This is something that my friend is dealing with- watching her strong father decline in health at a rapid pace.  Another one of my girlfriends who has experienced a loss of a parent took the time to talk about what it was like dealing with the loss of her mother and what that did to her and how she has been dealing with it ever since.  She even read from a personal note that she had saved on her phone that her mother sent her before she passed. It was beautiful.

In that moment as my friend was reading the note from her mother, I looked around the room. I couldn’t help but notice that I was surrounded by not only some beautiful women physically, but beautiful women spiritually. And to think that two of my sister friends were even grandmothers. Amazing!!!! As I looked around the table, I also noticed that I have known these women for at least half of my life.

As we continued to comfort our sister, I realized that this conversation was getting very heavy and I thought perhaps some libations were needed. I just so happened to have some spirits in the back of my trunk. Don’t ask me why…I just did.  Side Note:  I think I may need have mobile bar from now. You never know when spirits are needed.

I asked the crew did they want to partake, and I got a resounding YES PLEASE! I left the house and went to my car to get the goodies. When I got back into the house, my sister friends were in rare form. All you could hear is laughter behind the tears.  We still had plans to go to the day party, but we thought we would be more comfortable having our libations and having “our say” in the family room.  Once we got to the family room or should I call it the healing room, some of my other sister friends felt the need to share. One of my friends was going through a divorce and another one of my friends was dealing with a daughter dating a less than desirable young man. It was a lot.  But we were in a safe space for sharing. We all felt comfortable enough to discuss our intimate thoughts and secrets with each other.  We were the mirrors to each other’s souls. We were in a room that didn’t allow for judgment or ridicule.

So, what was supposed to be the “turn up” ended up being a “turn up” in a different way. We “turned up” for each other and to me that is what “turn up” is all about. And in that moment, I took the time to say thank you to my sisters for sharing their most intimate thoughts and feelings, because they didn’t have to do that.

So again, Christmas time for me, is not about the physical gifts, it’s about the gift of family and REAL, genuine friendship.

 

Anyone who knows me, knows that I LOVE homecoming. It’s the next best thing to Christmas, my birthday and if I may say this…my wedding day. LOL!  In fact, my girls always say that the order is Homecoming and then My Wedding. Homecoming is that time of the year where you have the opportunity to spend an entire weekend with your college family, drinking, eating, catching up and reminiscing on days past. Such a great time. Hey, let me tell you if you haven’t attended an HBCU homecoming before, you are missing out.  Each year at homecoming I tend to give back to those individuals who have been deprived of a REAL homecoming. I usually invite folks like my baby brother, other family members and friends who attend PWC’s.  And for the past at least 10 years or more anyone who I invited loved the HBCU homecoming experience. In fact they loved it so much that they kept coming back. Some even have it in their minds that it’s their homecoming too…even though they didn’t actual attend CAU. We are family and we don’t discriminate.  All are welcome.

Okay, so not sure if you read my post from last year (click here- shameless plug) but doing homecoming in your 40’s is not a game.  For me, my homecoming kicked-off on Thursday night at the Mbar and didn’t stop until 7:30 p.m. on Sunday.  Per usual, I started losing my voice on Thursday night and it didn’t fully come back until that Tuesday evening.  I’m not really sure as to why I lose my voice every year. I mean was I yelling? was I singing? I’m not sure what goes on with my voice.  I guess I talked a lot.  Anyhoo….let’s get down to the things that went down at homecoming.

Where is Sam?

So, the question that I kept getting at Homecoming all weekend was “Where is Sam?” As though my baby brother attended CAU. But my little brother is someone who knows how to fully embrace the homecoming experience and takes on the persona of a CAU alum. He tends to be the life of the party. But this year, he had other priorities and attending CAU homecoming was not at the top of his list.  I got asked so many times where was my brother that I felt like I should have worn a t-shirt that said, “Sam is not here! But seriously, it’s really nice to know how much love my CAU family has for my baby brother.  Maybe next year Sam!

The Conversations have changed

When going to homecoming in your 40’s one thing that was made really clear to me this year, as opposed to any other year, is that the conversations really change. I can remember a time when the conversations were more like, “Girl, which party are we hitting up next?” to “Girl, what time does the party start? 9 p.m.!!! oh no, I’m usually in the bed by 8 p.m.”  You also have conversations like, “Girl, your party was all of that but, man I got in so late that I forgot to take all of my medications so that I can get up refreshed in the morning.”  You also hear comments like, “We out here partying like we in our 30’s!” Ummmm….. not in your 20’s but in our 30’s? Dang when did this happen. When did I get in my 40’s and start having conversations like this? I also heard folks talking about,” Have you gotten your AARP card yet?”  “Man, they have some great discounts. I take advantage of my card.” Look, when I got my AARP card in the mail, I had just turned 40 and I refused to embrace that card. I immediately threw it away. I’m sorry, I just couldn’t believe that I was at a time in my life where I needed the AARP card. It was unbelievable to me. Honestly, I didn’t care if AARP offers great discounts. To me that card symbolized being old. And I was NOT old.

Another interesting moment that I will forever cherish, is the Homecoming car confessions. Yep, that’s right confessions. I felt like I needed to be playing Usher’s song, “Confessions” in the background. While driving around the homecoming streets of Atlanta, I was privy to a lot of …well, let’s say confessions from several of my female friends. From things happening in the rain, to hiding under a tree, to sneaking in a certain dorm in the trunk of a car, to secret crushes, to relationships that were had that no one knew anything about….and realizing that some of these women who you thought were innocent little lambs were more like little lions roaring in the jungle back in the day. LOL! But as much as I would love to spill the tea, those Homecoming car confessions will always stay a fond memory of my Homecoming 2019 experience. What happens at homecoming …stays at homecoming, especially if the confessions have to do with me. Lol!

Running into your ex’s …awkward

More often than not, folks come to homecoming without their boos, spouses or significant others – especially if their significant other did not attend the same school as they did.  This usually occurs, because of the Homecoming car confessions that may go down and you don’t want your significant other to catch wind of it– ha! Ha! Or they know that there is a strong possibility that you may run into your ex or ex’s. And sometimes you can’t really get loose like you want to with your boo waiting in the wings, as you socialize and get your party on.

Unfortunately, I dated a few folks at CAU- I mean I did spend 4 years there. So of course, I actually ran into most of them. I have to admit, it was good seeing most of my ex’s but then I ran into some where the conversations were just awkward for everyone. And I’m not sure why, there was such awkwardness, I mean we broke up at least two decades or more ago. We have both clearly moved on. And on my end, there is no love lost. When I think of them, I think of them fondly. But for some reason it was just an uncomfortable interaction.  Here’s what happened, it was Friday night at 6:30 p.m., homecoming weekend.  We had your typical banter, how’s the family? What have you been doing with yourself since we last saw each other? Which is really a loaded question considering that I haven’t seen this one particular ex in a year. So, a lot has happened in that year…but too much to go over at a social happy hour event.   Then as I thought we were done catching up, he talks to me about work.  Really? I don’t’ want to talk about work. I’m enjoying homecoming. He was talking to me like we were at a networking work function. He even asked me, “So…do you see an opportunity for advancement at your company?”  Are your serious? Is this a job interview or is this a casual event? That’s what was in my head.  Apparently, I must have had a look on my face that said, “please come save me from this dude right here before I scream.” Thankfully, one of my friends saw my face and came over to rescue me from the conversation and casually pulled me away. Whew!!! Of course, we never finished our conversation and luckily, I didn’t run into him the rest of the weekend. Don’t get me wrong it is always nice running into him, but we always have awkward conversations. I wish he would just relax and be himself.

Because this keeps happening to me, let me offer this bit of advice to the ex’s and just to mine – relax and be yourself.  I know it may be hard because you may have lingering feelings, and don’t know what to do with your hands – LOL! Just say hey, hope you are well and keep it moving. Having awkward conversations doesn’t serve anyone well.  It just makes things uncomfortable where you don’t know what do with your hands, or facial expressions for t LOL!!!

In conclusion, my 2019 homecoming experience was awesome. It was great running into all of my CAU peeps.  I don’t take my years at an HBCU for granted. They were indeed the best four years of my life. For some reason my mom thinks that there will come a time when I won’t participate in homecoming…ummm, not likely, unless it’s my wedding day and like I said homecoming trumps my wedding day. LOL!! If you went to homecoming this year, what are your favorite or interesting moments?

 

 

 

This weekend I celebrated my 40 something shhh!!! Shut your mouth birthday. LOL. I know it’s been a minute. Did you miss me? Well, it’s been a busy summer and like I always say, if I don’t have anything good to write about you won’t hear from me.  So obviously since it’s been a few months you would think that I have some things to say right?  I do.  First and foremost, I am grateful and blessed to see another year. Unfortunately, along the way as I was on this journey to reach this next age, some folks in my life are not here with me. Which of course, is a reminder that life is short and time is precious. So, spend it wisely.

Since the last time I spoke to you all I’ve been in in a process called Renovation. You see over the last few months our church has been going through major renovations and in keeping with that theme, Pastor Oliver has been speaking on a series dealing with renovations. Renovating your mind, body and spirit. It’s been a real powerful series. And much needed for a lot of us – especially me.

Now, I’m getting ready to get deep on y’all so just hold on. For the past 90 days or so, I have been going through a lot spiritually, mentally and emotionally. And I’m not ashamed to share my truth with you all. I can say that when God has his hands on you …oh boy it is something else.  While I have always had a good relationship with God, I recognized that perhaps my relationship with Him was not as strong as it could be. If I was honest with myself, I can honestly say that I was not putting Him first. And what I mean by that is when I found myself struggling or at a crossroads, I would pick up the phone and call my mother or call my best friend. And then and only then after I phoned a friend, I would talk to God. And you see that is backwards. I should be talking to God first, hence putting Him first. And then if I felt the need to share with others-phone a friend.

While God is in my life, I recognized that I was not giving Him his rightful place in my life. Now, that is not to say that God was not blessing me or that I didn’t talk to Him, it’s not that at all.  I wasn’t talking to Him first. And if we are honest with ourselves, sometimes we want to hear a physical voice, a “live” response. Now, God does talk to me and I hear Him but it’s that voice within, not necessarily a voice that I can physically hear. So at times I believe because we want guidance or an answer NOW we tend to reach out to others first to give us advice, guidance or approval etc.. Well, what I know is that God can give you all of that. And it really hit me that when you do not call God first, you are not putting Him as the head of your life.  Which shows Him that you don’t trust Him….REALLY and that you don’t have FAITH…REALLY. Because if you did, you would know that if you give it to HIM, HE will guide you, give you advice and provide you with what you need when you need it.

What I learned from Pastor Oliver is that God has to renovate us from the inside out.  That is powerful. Although, you may look good on the outside hair done, nails done, everything….I think those are lyrics to a song right? Anyway, none of that matters if you are not together on the inside.  These past several months I started on the journey of really putting God first. Carving out more time in my schedule to spend with Him. Just like I make time to work out, to hang out with friends, I have to make time with HIM.  There’s a song called Make Room by Jonathan McReynolds. Check it out. It speaks to moving things over to allow room for God.  Have you made room for him?

As I reach a new year in my life, I realize that my relationship with God is essential for me to thrive. And I now go to Him first. And there are times when I don’t need to “phone a friend” because I trust the process that God is putting me through. And I know that He loves me and wants the best for me. But I have to trust Him in ALL THINGS.  That is the key- Trust Him in ALL THINGS! And boy he has really showed me who HE is. And it is amazing. And let’s be clear, everything that God has shown me has not been easy to see or deal with. But I know that even in the midst of things that may be hard for you, He’s in it and will  sustain you while you are going through it. He won’t leave you and that is a blessing indeed.

This birthday has been awesome. On my actual birthday, I spent time with myself after work. Folks couldn’t understand why I was spending my birthday by myself.  Okay here is the answer, if you can’t handle being by yourself or enjoy spending time with yourself, what makes you think that someone else will like to spend time with you? Yes, I know something to think about. I like Kim and I enjoy spending time with her.  And was I really by myself? Like I said, God is in the midst of everything, even when you are hanging out by yourself. ON my actual birthday, I spent time doing the things that I like to do, a birthday workout, getting my favorite Starbucks beverage, going to the movies and eating popcorn and Sno-Caps and grabbing one of my favorite meals from a restaurant.  I did everything that I wanted to do because guess what? It was MY birthday. No one else. And then over the weekend….I spent time with my friends. I am blessed!!!  And I don’t take my relationship with God or anyone else in my life for granted.  Take a moment today, and think about who do you call on first?

I’m sure you have all heard the song by now, “Me, Myself and I” from Beyonce? If you haven’t, then candidly you’ve been living under a rock.  Well, this post is not about Me, Myself and I. Instead it’s about me and my girlfriends. Is that kind of a song too? Anyway, a friend of mine posted on social media this week, “Have you ever spent a day with yourself? Just you. Lounging, praying, thinking, planning, celebrating the victories of some, offering prayers and hope to others, checking in on people just because? I could totally relate to her post because there are times where I just enjoy being by myself, reflecting, praying, planning checking up on others. And sometimes you just need that in your life. You need time to yourself to just relax, relate, release.

Now, while spending time by yourself is essential it is also essential to spend time with your ride or dies, your peeps, your girls, your besties, your click or whatever you choose to call them.  Did you know that you’re getting healthier, feeling beautiful and decreasing your stress level by spending time with your girlfriends?  Yep, studies say that a women’s overall health and well being is improved when they get together at least twice a week. And there are also some health benefits associated with spending time with your besties.  Hanging out with your bff’s, helps with faster recovery time from illness, a stronger immune system, a decrease in anxiety levels and increased generosity levels, which makes women feel better overall.  And as we get older maintaining those bonds becomes even more important, especially since most of us have a busy schedule with tons of responsibilities and often times we are carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders.

If you know me, then you know that I have different sets of friends. Some from high school, some from college, some from work and some from just maturing and growing as a woman. And all of my friends like to do different activities -which is nice. I know to keep my sanity, I need “girlfriend” time.  Most recently, me and a group of my friends decided to do a sleep over…a staycation on a Thursday. Yes, I said a Thursday. Two of my friends are married, one of them has children and the rest of us are dating, but no children. We booked a room in a nice hotel, ordered pizza, and brought in our own special libations. We ate, laughed, talked and even went for an evening stroll to grab some ice cream. We had a ball. We didn’t’ spend a lot of time talking about any issues or concerns that we had going on in our own lives, instead we just took the time to relax, relate and release. You see, when you get with your girlfriends you don’t always have to just talk about the issues or drama that you may have going one. Sometimes it’s just nice to talk about everything but that.

It allows everyone to take a break from what’s going on at home, at work, with the significant other or children etc… because let’s be honest, how can it really be a “stay-cation” slumber party with your girls if you are focused on everything that is going on in your life?

I am blessed to have some beautiful, intelligent boss women in my life. Being around them makes me better. They are all supportive chics and ALL have my best interest at heart. So do yourself a favor, takes some time out and hang out with your “click” it’s just good for the soul!

 

So, the other day a photo popped up in my Facebook feed.  It put a big smile on my face. The photo was of my grandmother Laura Beck, myself and my cousins.  My grandmother is no longer with us, so seeing a photo of her pop up in my feed did something to my heart and my spirit. You see for as long as I can remember, every Mother’s Day weekend we would hop in our cars and make that journey down the road to a little town called Pembroke, Virginia.  I looked forward to those Mother’s Day weekends. It gave me a chance to spend time with my mom, my grandmother and at times some of my aunts and cousins if they chose to come to Virginia during that time too.   When we would get to grandma’s on that Friday late in the afternoon we would make that trip to Walmart for groceries and other goodies. You see Walmart was exciting, as that was like the only real store in Pembroke.  And this was the Walmart Super Store, not the regular Walmart.  So, it was indeed one of the highlights of the trip!

Of course, the other highlight of my trip was spending quality time with my grandmother.  I just enjoyed sitting at the kitchen table eating meals with her and having great conversations.  I especially, loved our morning talks over a cup of coffee. My grandmother was a beautiful woman on the inside and out. She had the best sense of humor. And her favorite word was “Shit!” yep I said it. I think I inherited that word from her, as I find myself saying that all the time.  Another thing that I loved about my grandmother is that she paid attention to me and cared about what was going on in my life.  One day I remember her saying to me, “You know what Kim? I like your style!.” That meant the world to me.  I also loved sitting with her on the couch and laying my head on her lap. She would rub my hair and just be still. That was the best.

My Grandma Beck is gone now…she lived to be 103 and it’s that time of year when I really miss her.  But in keeping on with the tradition of Mother’s Day weekend. I make sure that I spend every Mother’s Day weekend with my mother Sarah.  And that is the best!  Speaking of Sarah, she will be in town for Mother’s Day and I can’t wait.  Which brings me to this? What do you have planned for that special Mother in your life? Well, I got some ideas for those of you who live in the Atlanta area.

Breakfast or Brunch

Have you been to Gochas Breakfast bar?  Well, if you haven’t been you need to make it there this weekend. The food is fantastic. My favorite meal is the Avocado Toast with home fries.  The food there makes you want to slap yo mama…but don’t actually slap your mama!  Their pancakes, fried fish and shrimp & grits are also good choices.  And if you want a breakfast cocktail, they have everything from Kahula & Coffee to mimosas.  You choose because they have a full bar.  Check it out, you won’t be disappointed.

Did someone say manicure & pedicure?

One of the things that my mom likes to do when she comes to visit me is get a mani & pedi. One of my favorite places to go is Sugarcoat .  You and your mom can have a girl’s day out where relaxation and pampering is the theme for the day.  Unlike most places, the team at Sugarcoat will allow you to sit back, relax and enjoy time by yourself or with your girls – meaning, there won’t be a lot of talking. Because let’s face it, when I go for services I like to be pampered and left alone so that I can relax. You can even bring your own libations to sip on while enjoying that nice foot massage.

Take a flight!

I’m sure the mother in your life, would love a flight to a destination of her choice…but that’s not the kind of flight that I’m talking about.  If she likes wine, take her to this nice spot located in the Battery called Cru Wine Bar.  You don’t necessarily need to sit at a table, you can just take a seat at the bar.  They have light bites, like cheese, olives, Bruschetta, pizza etc.. to go along with your wine flights.  The atmosphere is nice and the service is fantastic. Cru is where I fell in love with Port Wine, so you never know what wine you and your mom will fall in love with.

Shop! Shop! Shop!

Yes, you read that right. I didn’t mean Shots! Shots! Shots! I meant Shop! Shop! Shop! Now, I got the shopping gene honestly. I enjoy shopping. I especially enjoy shopping with my mom. So instead of hitting up the malls, we will take a relaxing road trip to Dawsonville, GA to the North Premium Outlet . They have all kinds of stores where you can help your mother spend her money or better yet, you can spend your money on her!

Did I spark any ideas in your head for that special lady in your life? Now, I plan on doing most of these things on the list that I mentioned including taking my mom to see the handsome Brian Mcknight at City Winery. Unfortunately, tickets seem to be sold out for all shows but you can be added to the waiting list. And we probably will take in a movie, church and brunch on Mother’s Day. Now, I can tell you that if you haven’t made your reservations for brunch you may want to put it in soon. If you don’t know where to take your mother, google best brunch places in Atlanta, and you will get an entire list of restaurants.

Well, I hope that I helped you all in coming up with ideas to spend time with that special woman in your life whether it be your mom, your grandmother, aunt, godmother, sister, etc. whoever you want to celebrate Mother’s Day with.  Remember, spending quality time is really the best present that you can possibly give, it’s the gift that is priceless!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year!!! I know I’m a few months behind on saying that. Yep, it’s been a minute since you’ve heard from me.  Where have I been you ask? Dealing with life. There have been some ups and downs since we rang in 2019.  But that’s a part of life.  While the beginning of the year started off with a bang, who knew that in just a month later or so, a tremendous blow would hit our family.  My cousin who was only 40-years-old passed away suddenly.  Even writing that sentence is unbelievable.  I chose not to post about his passing on the social media outlets because it was just different…meaning it just didn’t sit well with me to post it on social media. I think because if I posted about him, it would make it more real. And quite honestly, for the last month I felt like I was walking in a fog…just going through the motions.  My cousin’s passing was a tremendous blow to our family.  There are only five grandchildren on my dad’s side and he was #4 in the lineup. My brother is the youngest. So, as you can imagine, we are more than just cousins we are like siblings.  Now, don’t get me wrong I’ve experienced loss before, but this was a bit different. It was different because he was young, and it happened suddenly. Even today as I write this, I still can’t believe that he’s gone. In fact, when friends or family ask how I’m doing, I reply “It’s the new normal.”  Life still has to go on. I can’t crawl up into the fetal position and just let life pass me by. I have responsibilities and I am still here, and I have to live my life, because one thing that I am certain of is life is precious and short.

When I have moments of disbelief that he’s gone, I choose to go to that place in my mind when I saw him last. The memories that I have of him make me smile and at times they make me laugh. I am thankful for the time that I spent with him. I saw him a few short months after he came into this world and even held him in my arms, and although I didn’t see him leave this world, I was glad I had time with him before he passed.

I opened this post by saying that the beginning of the year started off with a bang. It did indeed, but another reason why it started off with a bang is because I chose to embark on a new term for my life that is better than any New Year’s resolution. However, I can’t take full credit for what I am about to write.  I have to credit my pastor, Dr. Craig L. Oliver. His word for the New Year is being intentional. What does that mean you ask? Being intentional. Don’t just say it, do it. Unlike, New Year’s resolutions I believe that if you are intentional, it won’t be fleeting. Meaning it won’t just be something that you say you are going to do…but don’t really mean it or don’t really do it. You know when we make New Year’s Resolutions, we say things like, “I’m going to lose 10 pounds,” or “I’m going start that business” or “I’m going to stop eating meat!” But often times, we start on the path of honoring the New Year’s resolutions that we set for ourselves and then something happens and we don’t complete that resolution. However, with being intentional – I don’t think it has to be so final. Here’s what I mean. You say, “I’m going to lose 10 pounds.” OK, living the life of being intentional goes beyond that of losing 10 pounds. Be intentional about living a healthy lifestyle. Don’t just focus on losing the 10 pounds. Why put so much pressure on yourself? Focus on living better. Changing those bad eating habits, incorporate better sleeping habits, add some physical activity several times a week (walking, taking a yoga class, do some cardio etc.)  that to me is being intentional. It’s not a one and done. This is something that can carry you through the years.  You say you want to start that business? Again, don’t put all that pressure on yourself. There are several things that need to happen before you get that business off the ground. Be intentional about setting reasonable goals for yourself to start your business. For example, do you have a business plan?  have you done research about the business you want to start? have you set up your business legally? Do you have any money? Like FOR REAL! There all kinds of steps that need to happen, so be intentional about putting your plan in motion. Once you’ve taken care of all of the steps then you can start your business.

Without going into too much detail, I decided to be more intentional with my time with God; and more intentional with how I spend my time and who I spend my time with.  My time should be spent doing things that I like to do -whether that may be  spending time with family and friends in my circle, traveling, working out, writing and also working on the steps to having my own business, but my time is valuable and wasting it is not an option.

I will say this, losing a loved one really puts a lot of things in perspective for me, but losing a loved one who was younger than even me really got my attention. While my cousins was on this earth for 40 years, he enjoyed his life. He was a son, a father, a brother, a nephew and a cousin. He will forever be missed.

It also hit me that by me saying, “I’m living the new normal?” what I realized is that I’m actually living with peace. God has given me peace. And not that my grieving has ended or that it’s not painful, but while I’m dealing with this lose, God has given me peace that surpasses all understanding to get me through my bad days. As you are aware, God didn’t say you weren’t going to experience pain. But what he did say is that he will be there while you are going through it. And that my friend is called PEACE.

The lesson today, don’t waste your time. Live a life of being intentional.  God has blessed you with the strength and ability to shine brightly in this his world, don’t miss out!

 

 

 

Well, homecoming season is coming to an end. Boy,I love this time of year. My homecoming  – Clark Atlanta University, CAU!!!! owes me nothing once again. I tell you, there’s nothing like an HBCU homecoming. It is the best! Homecoming is much like Vegas. What happens at homecoming stays at homecoming. Let me tell you, in case you didn’t know, a lot of things go down at homecoming. For example, the married folks or those who have  a significant other who didn’t attend their school, tend to leave their better half’s at home.  They leave their significant others home because they have been granted the Homecoming Hall Pass.  This Hall Pass is something that they usually work on a few months prior to actually going to homecoming by way of being extra nice, handling those forgotten chores etc.. All this so that they can “live their best life” at homecoming.  (Side Note: I’m about tired of hearing that saying!)

I’ve also found that during homecoming, you might run into your old flames from back in the day who think they still look like they did back in the day. More often than not…they don’t look the same  AT ALL!!!  However, they still think that they have that hold on you like they did back in college…ummmm no! There is a reason why you and that old flame aren’t together anymore.  Heck, isn’t that why they call it an old flame? You will also run into folks who may have liked you back in the day and they use homecoming every year as an excuse to try to kick it to you …even if they are MARRIED!!!  Really?? They will say things to you like “It’s still complicated?” or  “ Between me and you, we are co-parenting” well, if it’s “Between me and you” the chances are the spouse doesn’t know that you all are just co-parenting.  And mind you, you don’t hear from this person any other time of the year except during homecoming. And i’m sure you all can relate to getting a flood of DM’s or Facebook messages from interested parties trying to get their flirt on  behind the scenes right? Anyhoooo… all in all homecoming is a blast. It’s that time of year when you can relax, let your hair down and really get loose and don’t feel bad about it. However, if you are 40 something…the recovery time is no joke. You definitely can’t do it like you did in your 20’s no way.  In fact, the 40’s ARE NOT the new 20’s. For those three days of partying which started for me on that Thursday, it took me like a week to recover.  But I have to admit,  I can’t just blame it on homecoming festivities. I find that since being 40 something,  if I hang out for more than just one day, I tend to get a bit tired. The good news is that, it’s not just me. Most of my girlfriends who are in their  40’s say the same thing. Listen, I just got back from spending the weekend with my high school and college bestie and we kicked it hard that first night, and then the next day we were in our pajamas ALL DAY until it was time to go to dinner. And then we went to bed early the next night because we were still recovering from the first night. Really!!! Well, I did some research and found out that there is an actual name for what we over 40’s are experiencing. It’s called “The Fatigued 40’s.” It’s everything from stress to hormonal fluctuations during pre-menopause to the changing seasons. Additionally, I found out that tiredness among women tend to peak in the autumn…which guess what? it’s that time of year now.  Also, let’s add managing a career and or raising children, having a husband/significant other, being involved in the community, working out etc.. all of these things contribute to being fatigued. So here are some sure fire ways to help you get through being fatigued:

• Curb the sugar- and wine – Ummm……..I don’t know how this works for me since I LOVE Chocolate and  I am a fan of wine.  Apparently, the sugar from candy and  those sweet coffee drinks from Starbucks spike your blood sugar which leads to you crashing at your desk.  And wine…well it can deplete your energy levels. I believe that, because when I drink wine I get sleepy and um….well a bit frisky!! Experts say instead of wine opt for Vodka, Tequila or Gin. I think I can handle that.
• Calm the voices in your head – If you are like me, you are always thinking. I have a million and one things on my mind and at times I can’t seem to shut it down. It can be exhausting and overwhelming at times. To help with the voices in your head, take a few minutes and just breath—woo sa!!! Or in the evening take a warm bath, read a good book, take a yoga class, get a massage or perhaps go on a nice leisurely walk.  You can also binge watch some of your favorite shows that you’ve missed or catch a movie. Just do something to quiet those thoughts for even just an hour or so.
• Break a sweat– Not my favorite thing to do, but I love the results. You got to keep moving. Working out increases the blood flow to your brain and helps with awareness. You don’t have to do two hours of cycling or anything high intensity, a brisk walk 30 minutes a day will do just fine.
• Get your sleep on- This is the hardest thing to do. I typically only get about 5-6 hours of sleep at night. However, it is important to stick to a routine. You should try to go to bed the same time every night. No matter what, I try to be in the bed by 11:00 p.m. or 11:30 p.m. Bottom line,  you have to find a time that works best for you.

I hope some of these tips will help you out with “The Fatigued 40’s” syndrome, because let’s face it we aren’t as young as we once were. The 40’s IS NOT the new 20’s! Don’t believe the hype!!! LOL!

 

 

How many of you have seen the movie “Get out?” If you saw the movie then you should be familiar with the term “the sunken place.”  What does the word sunken mean?  It can mean having sunk or been submerged in water. It can also mean at a lower level than the surrounding area.  So why am I writing about the “sunken place?”  Well, I thought it was important that I be transparent with you. Remember,  I told you that if  I don’t have some real content to write about, I’m not going to write it.  So here it goes.

About a month ago I found myself being in the sunken place. And what I mean by that is I was drowning.  I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  I was overwhelmed with things happening in my personal and professional life, and on top of that I was approaching my 40 something birthday.  Normally, I don’t trip on my birthday but this time it was different.  Honestly, I hadn’t had one of these mental breaks in a VERY LONG time so I guess it was overdue.  I found myself in a position that I didn’t know how to navigate through on my own. Additionally, my faith was wavering and I was at a crossroads.  I realized I was moving so fast, traveling, spending time with family and friends, working out, work etc… that I really didn’t have time to stop and just breathe.  And then it happened. One day a small event that I was a part of triggered what was going on inside of me.  I found myself having a hard time breathing and all I could do was cry.  And I just couldn’t stop.  Once I pulled myself together, I realized that I needed help.  I immediately called my mother and I said, “Mom, I’m about to lose it!” And she said, “What’s going on Kim?” and then I went into detail on how I was feeling about getting older, my job, my faith, my personal relationships and where I was in life compared to where I wanted to be. I am so grateful that I had the strength to pick up the phone and call my mom and talk to her candidly about how I was feeling. You may think what’s so hard about picking up the phone to call your mother, your BF, your father, a sibling, your significant other etc.? Well, there are a lot of people who have found themselves in the sunken place and are afraid to pick up the phone to talk because it will make them vulnerable.

As women, we don’t want to admit when we are afraid, overwhelmed, angry, hurt, lonely or insecure.  We handle pressure by going into “survival mode”, we tell ourselves and others we are okay or fine when we just simply aren’t.  This means we have to do a better job about being honest with ourselves and honest with our loved ones when they ask, “How are you doing?” Now, while being in the sunken place or pressure can feel like a bad thing, at times it’s what we need to give us a bit of a refresh, a re-boot a cleansing per se.

Pressure is not always a bad thing. In fact, it can be looked at as a gift, kind of like feedback. You know what they say, “feedback is a gift.”  Pressure can help us grow into the kind of people we are meant to be.  Pressure can make us stronger, more mature and give us the jolt that we need to ultimately reach our goals.

I found that not only talking to my mom was very helpful, I also used this time to talk to God. I used this moment in time to lean on him for support, comfort and understanding.  I mean I felt like I was emotionally cracking up for a minute there.  So, I took the time to go into my prayer closet to have a one-on-one conversation with God. I was able to be open and candid with him about my truth and how I felt.  Once I did that, I felt the pressure lifted off of my spirit. The circumstances didn’t necessarily change in that instant, but the pressure was lifted and I felt better equipped to navigate through my issues.

Often times, when we feel like we are in the sunken place, we forget to stop and pray or even read scriptures in the Bible. We forget about God.  We forget that God is consistent.  He is a friend who can help and give us the power to handle the stress in our lives and give us that inner peace.

During my time in my sunken place, I decided to just disconnect for 72 hours. And the only people I spoke to was my mom and God.  I was SILENT. I just focused on myself.  By taking a step back to just focus back on myself and disconnecting was very therapeutic for me. By the time Monday came around,  I felt renewed and in a very different head space.

When you find yourself in the sunken place, you have to consider having leisure time. Leisure time needs to be considered as a necessity, not just a reward for doing more.  Personal time for rejuvenation is key to navigating out of the sunken place.  Yes, I know you have a lot going on, but you have to plan leisure time for YOU! It is critical for peace of mind.  Also, you can’t be all things to all people all the time. Don’t be reluctant to ask for help. Delegate if necessary. And of course learn to say no!

 

 

Many of you may have noticed that your girl has been MIA for a few weeks.  Well,  there’s been a lot of life stuff that has been going on, with myself and with people who I love. As a result, I found myself being in supportive mode and in prayer mode for myself as well as for my loved ones.  However, most recently the reason why you haven’t  heard from me is because your girl suffered from food poisoning after I had lunch at my job.  And boy let me tell you that going through that….I don’t wish that on anyone. Needless to say, I was out for the count for a few days and then while I thought my body was ready to resume regular programming, I found myself in the ER while visiting my BF in DC.  Talk about a way to spend a vacation.  Then when I got back to Hotlanta, I found myself relapsing a bit and I was out of work for like 4 days.  But man…but God all of my labs and blood work came back clear and basically it was just my body getting rid of what was in my system. I had not eaten a real meal for 10 days.  Now because if this experience,  I find myself carefully re-introducing my stomach to regular foods. But I tell ya…my brain can’t seem to really wrap the notion around eating meat or even poultry.  So this may be me embarking on a semi-stricter diet. Of course, that’s what I’m saying now. But seriously, I may be limiting my intake of poultry and I’m darn sure not eating at my job’s cafeteria anymore.

OK so back to the title of So This is Us Now?!!While I was in DC getting my sickcation on, my BF and I had the wonderful opportunity to spend serious quality time with each other. Now, she of course didn’t submit to a non-alcohol free weekend like her BF..but  I digress. Anyway, on Friday night we found ourselves sitting on the couch wrapped in blankets, catching up on some of our favorite shows while she was eating chips and dip, your girl was eating soup and Jello.  All of a sudden I had this taste for a nice cup of hot tea. Now, mind you it was about 8 p.m. on a Friday night and I looked at my BF and I said, “Hey, you want some hot tea?” She then looked at me and smiled and said, “Yes! I would love some.” I was so excited that I got up and put the tea pot on for some hot water and I got our cups and honey ready.  Making tea is not hard, but my BF really puts her special spin on tea.  Once the water was ready, I asked her to come in the kitchen to fix the tea. She got up from the couch, headed to the kitchen and made us our tea.  As we both were stirring the honey in our tea with our spoons, we looked at each other and broke out in laugher. What the hell?!!! What are we doing??? It’s 8 p.m. on a Friday night and we are in the kitchen sipping on some hot tea.  Now, ten years ago we would be sipping on a martini or some shot. So…. this is us now? tea? really.  Of course, because of my health situation….having a cocktail was not a good idea so tea was about as much alcohol I was going to get. But still we were excited about having a cup  of tea. And to make matters worse, the next day which was Saturday, we decided to go for a nice walk since, I really couldn’t work out just yet.  We walked about seven miles with no problem.  The walk was good for me and being out in the fresh air was fantastic and getting some of that Vitamin D was much needed. Anyway, we got back to her place took showers and put on some lounge attire and got ready to cook some breakfast. Now, while I was sitting at the counter in the kitchen, I realized that I forgot to bring my multi-vitamins.  I asked my BF did she have some multi-vitamins that I could take.  In true BF fashion, she said, “Of course I do.” She went back to her bathroom and came back out to the kitchen with a boat load of all types of vitamins. She took all of the bottles and spread them out on the kitchen counter like it was some kind of buffet.  There were all types of vitamins; multi-vitamins, Vitamin C, Vitamin D, Melatonin, Vitamins for your heart, probiotics ….you name she had it.  I was so excited to see all of those vitamins. We opened them all up and began to have a Vitamin party.  And then I was like wait? “What’s wrong with your heart? Why are you taking vitamins for your heart?” My bf was like, “Girl nothing is wrong with my heart. I just want to keep it healthy.”  Again, the fact that we were popping vitamins like they were opiates was ridiculous.  So this is us? This is what your 40’s boils down too? Tea and vitamins and sitting on the couch underneath some blankets?  I’m not ready for all of this  AT ALL.

However, on a serious note, the only reason we had that type of weekend was because  I was sick. But actually, it was good to have a low key weekend to just relax. With all of the hustle and bustle and work etc.. it’s nice to just take a minute to just breath.  And sometimes your body shuts down to a point to get your attention to say, “It’s time for you take a minute and just breathe!!! Trust me, your girl enjoys going out and having a good cocktail or too so don’t let my sickation fool you!