Whelp! 5.0 is locked and loaded. I honestly, am still in a daze that I am actually 50. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am blessed and grateful to have reached this milestone. Like you, I have friends and relatives who didn’t make it to 50 or just barely made it and they are no longer here with us today. But man…when I would hear as I was growing up the statement “it goes so fast!” I didn’t believe it at all. Well, it does go by fast. That is why time is very precious to me and who I spend my time with matters. Also, people say that 50 is the new 30. I’m going to say no on that. Fifty is 50 that’s all. But what does 50 look and feel like? Well, I’ve come to realize that 50 is me. Age is but a number.
What I can say about being 50 is that I feel really FREE. Not that I didn’t feel free before but it’s something about realizing that I am comfortable in my skin and comfortable with who I am. I am unapologetically Kim. I don’t have to explain my decisions to anyone. I can live the way I want to live, and I can do what I want to do without needing the approval and opinions of others. And that feels really good. Because I can remember a time when I wanted and needed the approval from others.
Yes, it’s true. I can also say that being 50 is freeing because I am less rigid. I used to be very black and white. Well, now I’m more flexible in my approach on various subjects. For me, I am also at a place where I have learned to give people GRACE! You see, we all have baggage and challenges going on as we navigate this thing called life, and you never know what someone is going through. Therefore, I tend to give people grace because maybe they are having a bad day, or maybe they are going through some things, and they don’t know how to communicate what they are actually feeling. So, when I see that, I tend to give them space and room to work that out and when they are ready to communicate with me, they will. Which also brings me to this…one of my pastors said this in a sermon one day, the reason why relationships have issues is because we aren’t curious. That was a powerful statement. A lot of us run around here creating this entire narrative about a person without being curious. Meaning, we don’t ask questions. Questions like, are you ok? Do you need to talk? I notice you haven’t been acting like yourself lately, what’s going on? Instead, we take it personal and create this entire narrative in our head and make it about ourselves. Being 50 I’ve learned to be more mindful that everything is not about ME! And although I may not understand the decisions that another person has made, doesn’t mean that their decisions have to do with me. The decisions that person chose to make, has everything to do with what’s best for them.
My relationship with God
Being 50 my relationship with GOD means more to me than anything. I’ve always had a relationship with HIM, but when COVID hit it forced me to do some self-evaluation and put me on a very spiritual and emotional journey with HIM. Now, my relationship with GOD is my foundation to my entire life. The moves and decisions that I make are guided by HIM. My FAITH is strong, and at times it is tested, but when that happens and it happens, I find my way back to him. I know that I can’t navigate this journey without HIM. I can remember when I was faced with challenges dealing with work, relationships, finances, heck just life itself, I would find myself going to everyone but GOD first. Now, don’t get me wrong I have some “eagles” in my circle who I can go to, but more times than not I don’t go to them first and sometimes I don’t go to them at all. I am at place in my life where I go to GOD first. And boy that does give me peace. Really letting go and letting God, is not as easy as it is to say that statement. But as I was on this road to 50, that is something that has hit me hard. Learning how to really let go and let God. And along with that having faith that God is going to work it out in HIS time. Because let’s be clear there have been many times going through this thing called life as well as being on the road to 50, situations that I have gone through and that I am going through look kind of crazy to me. But it is during those time when things look impossible that God turns it into the possible. And that is so freeing to know that HE will work it out for YOUR good.
What about your friends?
Now, I also have to say that reaching this milestone has taught me to really evaluate my friendships and I must say that some of my friendships have run their course. And you know what? That’s ok. I had a good run, But I realize that not everyone can go with you on the journey or path that God has you on. And I’m ok with that. I want people around me, next to me at the table with me who understand me and who are comfortable enough in their own skin that they can be happy and comfortable with who I am. Because here’s the thing, we often try to dim our light to make others feel comfortable Not me! I will not dim my light for anyone. Again, I am unapologetically Kim and if you can’t handle my shine, then you need to get under some shade and go away from me.
Love is patient, love is kind
And lastly, getting to 50 I’ve learned a lot about LOVE. And I mean that unconditional Love. That real LOVE. I recognize what it is and what it is not. And what LOVE really feels like. It is indeed a wonderful feeling, especially when it’s reciprocated. And as I continue to navigate being 50, I look forward to experiencing more love!
Well, I have to say goodbye for now, as I wrap up my last column for this blog. I want to leave you with this, that getting to 50 has been an adventure and I’m looking forward to experiencing new adventures. The sky is the limit!! Let’s go!