It just hits differently!

A few months ago, two to be exact I turned 49. Yep, that’s right 49!!! I am standing at the door knocking because 50 is on the other side of that door.  OOO weeee!!!!  Now, don’t get me wrong I am happy and blessed that I made it to 49. Because with COVID and just life itself, there are many who can’t say that they made it to 49.  I mean I know folks in my age range who passed away from COVID, cancer and even suicide. You see 49 is young, but it’s not that young. Therefore, you can’t sweat the small stuff and cherish the moments that you have with family and friends.

For my birthday this year, I wanted to do something low key since I had a birthday party/anniversary book release party last year. This year my birthday fell on a Saturday, so I basically spent the entire weekend doing things that I love to do.  I got a mani/pedi, I went to one of my favorite tapas restaurants, I watched movies with my favorite movie snacks, I got some avocado toast from one of my favorite breakfast spots, I did some retail therapy, and I ate at one of my favorite Italian restaurants. And of course, I had some libations and some cake. Basically, I had a great birthday. I mean I knew that 49 was coming and I was ready. I was okay with turning 49. I knew I was going to be cool with it.  So, I thought.

When I woke up Saturday morning, my actual birthday I got in the shower. As the water came down all over my body, my mind went on a journey of reflection. And when I say a journey of reflection…it wasn’t like I was contemplating my life looking off into the distance. It was more of an ah ha moment.  I mean if I can be honest, I was NOT okay in that shower. I think I just couldn’t believe that I was 49. I mean I didn’t look it and I didn’t feel like I was old, or shall I say more seasoned.  But what I was trippin on was that man what a life I’ve had so far. I mean, I have accomplished so many things that I had on my list of things that I wanted to accomplish.

I’ve been blessed to work in my career field for my entire career. I’ve worked at some of the top corporations which most folks dream about. I have bought a house and I’ve lost a house. I bought my dream car – although it took me forever to get it, but I got it. I travel wherever I want to, I have an awesome family who I know loves me. I have a great group of women who I call my eagles in my life. I am a self-published author, I have my own show, a great relationship with God and I pretty much can do anything that I want to do. I have freedom. And no, I’m not really talking about financial freedom, I’m talking about FREEDOM to move about the earth the way I want to. I say all of that to say that I’ve done a lot, been through some storms, but by grace I am still here. And yea I want to be married, and it hasn’t happened YET, but if I am honest with my 49-year-old self I’m not sure I would have accomplished the things that I have done if I was married.

Letting the water wash over me, was kind of symbolic. It felt like the water was washing away all of disappointments , the hurts, the frustrations, the fears, the sadness just anything that just didn’t always put me in a good head space. While in that shower, even though I was looking over everything that I had accomplished up until 49, I also thought about the next chapter in my life. The goals that I have for myself moving forward. And thinking about the next chapters in my life make me excited and a bit anxious. But if I wasn’t anxious or excited there may be something wrong with me, right? Life is full of swift transitions as my mom always says. But I am so excited about this next chapter. There are so many things to look forward to.

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