Not Everyone Can Have a Seat at YOUR Table

In every category of your life, there are transitions.  I feel like that at each age range there are transitions that take place. Transitions can be defined as a change from one thing to the next, either in action or state of being.   One of the transitions that I find myself dealing with at this stage of my life is the transition of friendships.  I can recall in my 20s and 30s that I would roll deep with a bunch of young women, I mean my click was huge. When we would go out, it always looked like a funeral procession because we would all be driving and following each other. You see back then they did not have Uber or Lyft and for whatever reason we did not always carpool. If I can be transparent, I often wonder how we even made it home at times. Nope, I know how, God’s favor because I am pretty sure that I should not have been behind the wheel more times than I want to admit.

Anyway, now that I am in my late-40s (sidenote: that sounds crazy) but now that I am in my late-40’s I don’t roll with a huge click anymore and I definitely utilize, Uber, Lyft and even car service at times.  In my late 30’s I started taking stock of my relationships and I realized that I had different categories that my friends fell into:

  • Category 1 – Friends I have known since high school.
  • Category 2- Friends I have known since college.
  • Category 3 -Friends I have met along my journey of maturing into the woman I am today.

I know some amazing women who all have a special place in my heart. However, now that I am in my 40’s some of these friendships have definitely changed and unfortunately, some of these women no longer have a seat at the table of my life. Now, that is not a bad thing.  Just because you have longevity or years with some people, does not mean that they are to be around for the long haul. And that is one of the things that I have been wrestling with. I say to myself, but we have been friends for xx years, I do not want to remove them from my life.  The reality is that everyone cannot go where God is trying to take you.

 I believe I talked about this in another post, that during COVID I have been able to peel back the layers of friendships and through peeling back the layers some friendships flourished, and some have not. And the crazy thing is that you can be minding your own business and God will show you on more than one occasion who is for you and who is not for you – meaning who will be able to go where God is getting ready to take you. How does HE show you? He will usually show you by revealing their behavior as well their actions to you. My experience has been that people demonstrate a consistent type of behavior and I tend to ignore their behavior and their actions. I would just chalk it up to, well maybe they did not mean it. Or well they did that to that person, but they did not necessarily do it to me. However, as I am going through these specific transitions in my life right now, I realize the type of people I need to have in my life. I often think about what value do they bring to my life? More importantly, I think about can I TRUST them? And once I have answered those questions, I determine who can have a seat at the table of my life and who can be a passenger on the journey that God is taking me on.

Thinking Clearly

Here is the thing by ending certain friendships, we think that it is over, but as long as you can recall a memory of your friend, the relationship that you had with them never really goes away.  The relationship just morphs into something else. Whether the person remains in your life or just in your mind, you can make it a peaceful or painful relationship going forward.  It is totally up to you.

You are the architect of your friendships

When we begin a friendship, we tend to create a relationship box or category as I mentioned at the top. In that box, we put the definition of the relationship, characteristics, and agreements that we have created.  However, when a friendship feels stressful, it is usually a sign that the box that the friendship is in needs to be re-structured to better fit the needs of the people who are involved. The thing is when that friendship no longer fits the needs of both people and heck for even one person, it may not be necessary to re-structure it to make it fit. That all depends on you. It may just need to stay as in, and you move on.

Do not avoid the transition!

If you live long enough you will experience all kinds of transitions on this journey, we call life. Some transitions will be good, and some will be challenging. I do not want to say bad because I believe that all transitions make you stronger and build character. My advice to you is not to avoid the transition of friendships. Use this particular transition to learn more about yourself and what it is that you need as you step into what God has next for you.  I will never completely cut someone out of my life, but like I said ALL of my friends have a special place in my heart. I wish them well, I will wave to them from a far but I am ok knowing that where I am right now, and where I believe God is taking me not everyone can go along with me for the ride. And that is ok.  

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