In my 40’s I have to say that I’ve met a series of wrong men. I felt like Oprah saying, to myself , “You keeping getting it wrong! You keep getting it Wrong! LOL. I have to laugh at myself because it’s funny now, but not so funny when I was going through it.

So after my grandfather passed in December 2012, and my Grandma Beck passed in May 2012 and my stepmother’s mother passed in January 2013, I found myself at a crossroads. I was in a place of slight depression, sadness and I just wanted to feel different. I wanted to smile and laugh again. Because of these feelings, I knew that the only person who could help me was God. So I said a prayer and asked God for a little reprieve. I was tired of being and feeling sad. But you know God sometimes has a sense of humor. Who knew that my reprieve was going to come disguised in all types of packages?

The first package came disguised as a con-artist. Yes, he was charming, not really my type physically but he brought the funny…meaning he knew how to make me laugh. And during that time laughing was extremely important to me. He knew how to say all of the right things. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. He was quick to talk about what type of wedding he wanted, and that even though he had kids…he wanted more. You know that guy. The one who gets you all excited about this make believe future that you two will NEVER have with each other. So unfortunately, I fell for the okie doke.

However, once I kept pulling back the layers of this onion I realized that this guy and I were not equally yoked on ALL levels. He lacked ambition, drive and character. He was a liar and well…he lied pretty much about everything. He lied about having a job, he lied about having relationships with other women and he lied about having money. Now, when I say he lied about having money I don’t mean that he told me he was some kind of “Kennedy” no he lied about having money for basic activities that people do when dating, like going out to dinner, going on trips, attending concerts etc… Additionally, this guy tried to control me and he was extremely selfish.  Needless to say that when this Negro, made the choice to do absolutely NOTHING for me on my birthday, for my birthday or near my birthday, I decided that the best birthday present that I could give myself was the gift of release. I ended our relationship the day after my birthday because I knew that I deserved better than him.  After that I made a decision that I wasn’t going to engage in casual dating, I was going to focus on me and just enjoy being single.  Now, of course once you say that the flood gates open.  Ok…so not really flood gates. It was more like sprinkling of raindrops.

Forget Me Not

The next package came disguised as amnesia guy. I met this dude at homecoming a few years back. He was cute and the way he approached me was pretty creative. Now, you have to forgive me ( I was at homecoming – and you know what that means – libations were in order) because I don’t exactly remember what he said…but I knew it was unique because I ended up exchanging phone numbers with him. We ended up communicating and then one Saturday afternoon he wanted to meet up with me.  I actually had plans, and really wasn’t sure if I wanted to meet up with him alone. So I asked him to meet me at a friend’s place of business. It was a warehouse where she was working out of.  We bought some snacks and libations because my friend invited a few other people over. So it was like an impromptu Happy Hour. When amnesia guy showed up, to me he wasn’t as cute as I remembered.  But I still continued to have conversation with him so that  I could get to know him better.  He was being a bit aloof and I wasn’t really feeling his overall demeanor or vibe.  A few minutes went by and one of my other girlfriends came in and she spoke to him as though she knew him.  He spoke back but had a confused look on his face as though he couldn’t place her name or face. My friend tried to jog his memory about where they met and then “poof!” he remembered but he still was acting a bit stand offish. Finally, I was a bit over this scene and wanted to escape this situation. So I told him that I had to go. He was like ok and said the he would leave too. (Ummm….that was the point of me saying that I had to go…I wanted him to leave too.)  We go outside and I ask him if he knew my friend because he was acting weird when he saw her. He gave me some lame excuse that he met her at a Hawks game but that was it.  I didn’t believe him, but I wasn’t going to force the issue seeing as though I realized that he too was not equally yolked with me.  Then prior to him finally getting in his car to leave, he tells me that God spoke to him and told him that I was the one!. Wow!!! People kill me when they say God spoke to them about YOU!!! Or in this case me. I’m pretty sure that if God told you that I was the one, he probably would have let me in on that little secret too. Since God didn’t tell me that, I would have to disagree with you sir.  Well once we got the God discussion out of the way, amnesia guy got in his car and drove off.  I found out later that evening that he did meet my friend at the Hawks game, but he was trying to date her.  She also wasn’t interested in him..so she said.  Anyway, I already knew my answer on where he stood with me…he didn’t. Moving on.

MIA

The next guy came disguised as MIA (Missing in Action).  I met this guy from a third party hook up. And let’s just leave it there. This man was very handsome and very accomplished. The few exchanges that we had on the phone and via text were witty and very interesting. I was looking forward to meeting this man in person for sure. We agreed upon a Saturday afternoon date…lunch. Hey, with lunch it’s not so much pressure. You can keep it casual and if the date doesn’t workout you can always say that you have some errands that you have to run.  Now, Atlanta has LOTS of restaurants for you to choose from. In  fact, if you are a foodie ATL is your playground for sure.  Well, I guess it’s safe to assume that he wasn’t a foodie because he chose Pappasito’s  for lunch. Not my favorite spot, but I decided that I would be a team player and meet him there anyway. Besides the point is to have great conversation and get to know this gentleman. Once we both made it to the restaurant and sat down…you could hear a pin drop. There were several moments of awkwardness. Having a conversation with this man was like pulling teeth. And while he was easy on the eyes, there just wasn’t a spark for me. He was extremely intelligent and well accomplished. There were a few things…he didn’t really like being around people. He didn’t like going to concerts, he didn’t really like being out late…he was kind of a loaner. However, he did love to shop at the thrift store. That was an interesting fact..but for the most part we two weren’t equally yolked. Oh and he loved taking long road trips…um…if you know me..then you know I prefer to fly.  Our date ended with him walking me to my car and we both went our separate ways .I really didn’t think that the date went that well so I just assumed that I wouldn’t hear from him again. Well, you know what they say, “Only an ASS Assumes.” The next day Mr. Secret Shopper called me and we had a nice conversation. So in my mind, I thought well maybe I didn’t give this a chance. So I will chalk it up as it being a mediocre date and maybe he was nervous. So if he ask me out again, I would really consider giving him another try.  So for weeks we had a few calls and text messages here and there but I still wasn’t asked out on a second date. Then all of a sudden  MIA went MIA. Weeks went by and I did not hear a peep from him.  Now, I must admit I didn’t’ really reach out to him either..but hey whatever happened to being pursued and courted? Weeks went by and then all of a sudden MIA sent me a text..not a phone call but a text. He basically asked how I was doing and wanted to get together.  I have to admit. I was a bit annoyed considering we haven’t spoken in weeks and now he’s going to ask me out on our second date via text? I mean he couldn’t pick up the phone to call? I responded to his question about how I was doing, but I didn’t respond to his question about going out.  I know you are probably saying, “Geez Kim really?” Yes really.  I mean I wasn’t sure if I was even interested and then  he fell off for like a month and then he out of the blue reaches out to me via text to ask me on a date? Needless to say, MIA and I didn’t work out either.

What’s next? After this band of characters I decided that dating just wasn’t going to be a priority. I remember a few years back or more, a friend of mine told me to write down everything that I wanted from my potential mate.  I remember doing that and I put the piece of paper in my bible.   I wished that I pulled out the paper and used it with my dating disasters.  Had I done that I probably would be a lot further along in the dating process. Like I was saying I decided to focus on myself and being the best person that I could be. And more importantly, the woman that God wanted me to be.  I can honestly say that focusing on myself and what God has in store for me and paying attention to the list in my bible…well…let’s just say that it works.  Now, my dating life is vastly different and I am very happy!

So….what are some of your dating experiences in your 40’s?