Did you have a chance to see Tracee Ellis Ross on social media this past weekend? She received a Women of the Year Award from Glamour Magazine. During her speech she touched on how the world around her often doesn’t support all she’s achieved. To make a long story short as I don’t want to give her entire speech away, she basically talked about how even at 45 she is fine being single, her life is fulfilling and she owns her life. Wow! That’s powerful right there. She owns her life, not society, not her parents, not her friends but SHE owns her own life.
As I was reading her speech, I wanted to give her a virtual high five. I’m sure many of you have experienced the side-eye looks or have heard the popular comments such as, “Oh…wow how come you aren’t married?” “You better hurry up you will be to old to even have kids” “What are you waiting for? “Do you even want to get married or have kids?” or this one is my all time favorite, “What’s wrong with you?”
I’ve been hearing these comments and been given the “I feel so sorry for you” looks for years. And it used to make me feel bad, incomplete, nervous and anxious. Until one day, I realized that while I want to be married and have children, it’s not on my time. It’s on God’s time. So when people would say comments to me about why I’m not married or why I don’t have children and what am I waiting for? My response is, “First of all why are you all up in my business?” OK no, I don’t say that but I am thinking it. I say, “Apparently it’s not my time yet and I’m fine with that”. Which brings me to do this – if I’m not married and don’t have children does that make me less of a woman? If I’m not married and don’t have children does that mean my life is not fulfilling? And let’s take it even further, what if I don’t want to get married or have children, does that mean there is something wrong with me?
I believe that marriage and being a mom is wonderful. I also believe that if a woman doesn’t want to get married or have children is wonderful too. However, I also believe that if you do want to get married or have children, those things will happen when it is time. And in some cases, it may never be time and you have to get to a place where you are fine with that too. I don’t believe that God put me on earth just to be a wife and mother. I believe that there is more that he wanted to add to my story and that could be the case for you as well. Today, at age 45 I still want to be married and would love to be a mother, but while I’m waiting I “Own my life!”
So..what does owning your life look like? I will tell you. This past weekend I was so busy. I went the gym; I volunteered for the Barrel of Love outreach at my church; I met my friends at a local tavern celebrating their one-year anniversary; I went to the outlet malls with one of my best friends and we ended the evening having a fabulous dinner; I graded assignments for the classes that I teach as an adjunct; I completed my homework assignment for a certification that I’m taking; I met my big sister for coffee and conversation…and then I topped off the weekend by cooking dinner and just relaxing. You know what all of those activities have in common? There wasn’t a man or child involved and I still had a wonderful fun-filled weekend. I say all that to say, to own your life means to take inventory on what makes you happy. What makes you smile when you wake up in the morning to start your day? Those are the things that I think about when I wake up in the morning. As a result, I plan my time accordingly. I do what makes me happy. Sometimes that may include going on a date and it may even include being around some of my favorite little playmates (kids y’all- get your head out of the gutter) LOL!
The bottom line is I OWN MY LIFE!!! Owning my life also means that I have other desires, wants and needs beside marriage and children..and guess what? That’s ok. Life is to short and I am thankful for all that God has and will do for me. Believe it or not, God is watching us and looking at how we are are navigating through this journey called life. I am already a “whole woman” and having a mate and even children will just be added blessings to my already blessed life.
So if you are out there in your 40’s like me OWN your life. You decide what you want for yourself. You do what makes you happy. Once you do that, believe me you will be at peace with yourself. And once you are at peace with yourself you will be surprised at what blessings will be dropped on you!